Excerpt #1

Weran had never felt such deep and extreme cold.

It felt as if the world had come off it’s axis, and turning away from the sun, had settled facing as far away from the warmth and the light as possible.

Weran felt as if he was the one was weighing it down.

He wished that he would be allowed to fall off of it entirely, and let the dark and the cold take him, but he was still clinging on to a last spark of life and warmth.

His heart pounded slowly, and his blood moved like an ice flow as he looked out across the common room of his childhood home.

He never would have thought that he would die here.  In fact, he never once thought he would ever see this place again.

It was a small miracle that this small mountainside cabin wasn’t swept away in an avalanche, decades ago, yet here he was.

He lifted his head and that was enough to get the blood pumping in his limbs and organs and make his head start pounding and his stomach start aching for food.

His gaze rested on a large picture window across the common room.

Snow and ice outside the cabin completely covered the window on the outside, with just a faint gray glow coming from the very top of the large window.

The pitiful gray glow was what was left of sunshine and the most of it he had seen in days.

Was it morning?  Was it evening?  He did not know, and he had no one and no god, either above or below, to ask or ponder it with.  Not anymore.

His gaze rested solely on that gray glow as he wished he could somehow melt the ice and snow with his stare.

He wished for a lot of things these days. 

Mostly, he just wished for release.

October 07, 2015 – Columbus, OH – Chvrches, Mansionair

Venue:  Promowest Pavilion (Indoor)

I am a fan of alternative rock and Chvrches are a light, poppy, dancy alternative band out of Scotland that I dig quite a bit.

This was the first time that I saw them, and it was in a packed Indoor Promowest Pavilion on a cool fall day.

I went to this concert alone, because I hadn't seen them and wanted to.  I managed to deal with the hot and uncomfortable  pit  for only so long, before I moved into the back of the crowd and got into a good position to escape and get to my car during the last song.

Chvrches put on a good show.

I am not convinced that the two guys on the keyboards and ipads do much of anything.

Also, the one guy always has a big stupid ball cap on and looks a little silly.

The sound at the venue that night was a muddy enough that I couldn't understand a word that the small fairy-like lead singer was saying.  I gathered that it was her birthday and that she was happy to be there.  Her thick Scottish accent and fast speaking combined with the muddy mix to leave the whole crowd standing there with no reaction as she told entire stories.

There wasn't a laugh or a genuine reaction, because no one could understand her.

Just the occasional "whoo!" that comes from nowhere and nothing.

Almost Missed It

My brother is moving into the basement of my apartment today.

It is our father's apartment, but it is also mine.

This should be one of the final calls to move out.  I need to make it happen.

Living and surviving are hard.

Trying to find and live a small piece of your dreams is even harder.

Writing every day might be a way to fight back against all of life's bullshit that keeps me from my dreams.

There has to be somewhere better than where I am.

I have the foundations for happiness and a good life.

My girlfriend Whitney is amazing and beautiful and an inspiration.

She is the most positive thing in my life and I don't know if anyone has ever loved me so unconditionally.

I could go on about all of the things that I have, but I best not dwell too long on the negatives and positives.

I sometimes feel that while you are busy qualifying everything, you aren't really getting much done.

This years should be about making shit happen.

 

 

 

I am Here

I am somewhere in between

working and sleeping

 

I am only seen in glimpses

 

Stopping and looking and commenting on some error or lost relic

 

Holding eye contact with something beautiful

 

I'll be found leaving all the extra time on the floor

 

Just wasting it

 

A waste of life!

                         A waste of life!

                                                     A waste of life!

 

Hey boss.  Hey babe.  Hey Dad.  Hey Brother.

 

Find me somewhere on the edge of the property

Somewhere with a thought

 

Letting it go

 

 and going back to sleep

 

May 12, 2017 -- Cleveland, OH -- Spoon, Tennis

Venue:  House of Blues

This was the first time I had seen Spoon since seeing them briefly in 2010 at Lollapalooza.  At that time, I wasn't a huge fan and they had not yet released my second favorite Spoon album, 2014's 'They Want My Soul'.

2017's 'Hot Thoughts', is my favorite Spoon record and is one of my favorite albums of the year. 

It cannot be overstated how much I love 'Hot Thoughts'.  I don't often listen to records over and over, but that album really dug itself into me and stayed there.

I was extremely excited to see them again at such a small venue, and the show did not disappoint and ended up being one of my favorite shows of 2017.

Tennis was a fun, solid opener and they bring a laid back vibe that is easy to get lost in.  I was at the show with my friend Chuck, so we also got lost in the lead singer's big hair and the guitarists shiny shirt (the same shirt he wears at every show?.  He wore it again when I saw them later in the year).

Spoon was fantastic.  This was the last show on a run of shows, and they played more songs than usual and played a few rare songs.  They also played with an energy and intensity that I don't see from many acts.

I loved 'My Mathematical Mind' and 'Rainy Taxi', but 'I Saw The Light' during the encore was crazy.  As of me writing this, they haven't played that song again in 2017 according to their setlists posted online, and I feel very fortunate.

Lead singer Britt Daniels, can pour himself into a performance with the best of them.  On this last show of this leg of their tour, he wasn't afraid to leave some of himself out there on the stage and push himself to a place that could move the audience.

Amazing show.  Amazing energy.

New Concerts Added

133.  September, 23 2017 -- Columbus, OH -- Father John Misty, Weyes Blood

132. September 20, 2017 -- Cleveland, OH -- Big Thief, Dear Nora

131. September 19, 2017 -- Detroit, MI -- Father John Misty, Weyes Blood

130. September 18, 2017 -- Detroit, MI -- Gorillaz, Vince Staples

129. September 15, 2017 -- Cleveland, OH -- Queens of the Stone Age

128. September 12, 2017 -- Columbus, OH -- Queens of the Stone Age

#1209

I do not see myself here, in this uniform.

 

You were wondering, and then....

I woke up

Tried, but didn't try hard


Cast out the blues and took in the warm brown paste

that is life when you're doing something that steals your time

 

You were hoping, and.....

I finally moved

But didn't move fast enough

 

Took what they gave me and tied up the loose ends

that motivated, hungry people left on the way past

 

You were right about me....

I wasn't at the meeting

I wasn't invited, but I came anyway

 

With questions, comments, and concerns

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know

I'm sorry

I know

 

You could have guessed, that...

I was assigned little value

Given little time

Concerts Updated

125. July 16, 2017 -- Louisville, KY -- Forecastle Festival (Day 3) -- Weezer, Spoon, PJ Harvey, Conor Oberst, Big Thief, Charles Bradley & His Extraordinaires

124. July 15, 2017 -- Louisville, KY -- Forecastle Festival (Day 2) --  LCD Soundsystem, Phantogram, Sturgill Simpson, Judah & The Lion, Cashmere Cat, Nathaniel Rateliff and The Night Sweats, K. Flay

123. July 14, 2017 -- Louisville, KY -- Real Estate, PRJCTR

122. July 14, 2017 -- Louisville, KY -- Forecastle Festival (Day 1) -- Run The Jewels, Cage The Elephant, Capital Cities, Waka Flocka Flame, Real Estate, Chicano Batman, Mondo Cozmo

#347

I'm right there.

I can see it.

My bags are packed.

 

I'm just waiting for someone to say the words.

 

But, I can see it in your face.

I'm not wanted back.

 

I wore you out.

Used myself up.

 

I'll still come home.

My face will be a mask of light.

 

And I'll forgive you, if you fake it.

I'll love you either way.

May 06, 2017 -- Cleveland, OH -- Guided By Voices, Mirrors

Venue:  The Grog Shop

In recent years, my interest in Guided By Voices has been maintained by some of my favorite artists showing their love and appreciation for them.  Eddie Vedder recently brought up Guided By Voices at their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony.  Ben Gibbard, of Death cab For Cutie, recently played and released a cover of GBV's 'Tractor Rape Chain' that I am proud to own on a cool Record Store Day 9"  record.

Only a few months before seeing this show, I decided to get into them a little more than just the 'Best Of'.  I started with their most popular album 'Bee Thousand' and it is really good.

Lead singer and primary songwriter for GBV, Robert Pollard, is one of the most prolific songwriters in history.  In 2017, he had released his 100th album.  This was actually my third time seeing Robert Pollard.  I saw him open up for Pearl Jam as a solo artist at two shows in 2006, but he played almost all solo songs off his album that was current at that time.

Suffice to say, it can be a bit daunting and even kind of a slog to weed through what to listen to in preparation of a GBV show.  I looked at recent setlists and bought a few albums accordingly.  He only regularly played one song that I had heard at his solo shows in 2006, so my previous experience with Pollard didn't account for much.

The opening band, a Cleveland psych-garage-punk band from the 1970s, called Mirrors, was a fun start to the night.  I mean no disrespect by stating that it is always interesting seeing men in their 60s playing subversive punk rock.  The highlight of their set was either a song that I believe was titled 'God Says Fuck You', or their song about a man falling in love with an amputee.

Guided By Voices set was marred a little by The Grog Shops predictably muddy sound, but they put on a very impassioned show.  The crowd was great, but maybe a little too drunk, and the band was energetic.  It was nice seeing GBV guitarist Doug Gillard again.  I had previously seen him playing guitar for Nada Surf.

I knew about half the songs they played, which isn't too bad considering that they have thousands of songs to pull from.  They pulled heavily from their newest album, which I had luckily done my homework with before the show.  He played songs from some of his obscure side project bands, including 'Boston Spaceships' and 'ESP Ohio'.  It was fun and a kind of amazing watching die-hard fans singing along to some of the most obscure songs.

My personal highlights includeda cover of the Monkee's 'Saturday's Child', and an awesome crowd sing-a-long to 'Tractor Rape Chain'.  I would see them again, and hopefully by the next time I will maybe recognize 75% of the songs?

Interesting fact:  Robert Pollard, at age 59, can do a "rock star" kick up to his head.  Its impressive.

Learning

Sometimes the things that present themselves in your life don't provide the opportunity for lessons.

I feel like everything that I am doing right now is all part of some greater teaching.

It's about choices.  I can succeed or fail based on what I choose and who or what I invest my time and energy in.

There is an order to everything, but it's far beyond my ability to see the patterns.

I can only try to remember the lessons I learned in the past and do my best to be a good person.

In Specific Terms

I've run myself down.

I guess running a couple of miles, staying out until after midnight, and waking up at 5:30 doesn't equate to having lots of energy.

My energy is at odds with my excitement over new friends and new opportunities.

I'm looking forward to making mistakes and messing things up.

You get one go at this.

I'm showing up.

 

February 17, 2009 – Cincinnati, OH – Eagles of Death Metal, Living Things

Venue: 20th Century Theatre

I drove the four hours down to Cincinnati to see the Eagles of Death Metal at what is basically the local high school Prom "event" center.

It was weird venue, and they played a really short show in comparison to some of the other times that I saw them.

I took a friend of mine to the show and she liked it.  I am fairly sure that she was seperated or was soon to be seperated from her husband, and I remember that it seemed like a really good distraction for her.

I would see EODM the next night in Cleveland, where they would play a longer set that I remember liking a bit more, but they always put on a great show.

March 06, 2013 -- Columbus, OH – Tenacious D

Venue:  Promowest Pavilion (indoor)

My girlfriend and I arrived late to this show for reasons I cannot recall.  This was billed as an acoustic show, which was a bit of a disappointment to me both before and after the show.  I would have liked to hear Kyle wail out a solo.

It was a sold out show, so that meant that it would be difficult to just find a place to stand or get a good view.  I had always wanted to see Tenacious D, but the incredibly packed floor at the indoor venue made for an uncomfortable show.

Tenacious D played a tight set that was barely over an hour and we enjoyed ourselves.

I remember thinking that the crowd really sucked.  They were very attentive, but they were annoying in every little way.  Drunk, bumping into you, wearing stupid stuff, body odor, etc...

I am fairly sure that I bought these tickets as a Christmas or birthday present for my fiance-at-the-time.  It would be the second to last show that we would go to.

A Complete Update:

Had an alarm set for 8am to get up and get stuff done. The alarm went off, I woke up turned it off, and fell back asleep for two and a half hours.

I had a bad dream where I was driving my family around at night on an unfamiliar highway. It was raining and the lights were blinding, so I couldn't see anything. I got off at the wrong exit and starting yelling at Joe, because he was trying to tell me that it was the wrong exit, but I was well aware.

I got out of bed around 10:45 and felt dehydrated and hungry. I drank an entire bottle of water and ate about a quarter of a sleeve of Ritz crackers while I made myself some oatmeal.

Sitting down at my computer with my oatmeal, I looked in the hallway to see that my cat was eating some toilet paper that she pulled from the trash can. I yelled at her and she dropped it and went downstairs.

I then decided to waste everyone's time by posting this long, pointless update...

July 25, 2009 – Columbus, OH – The Dead Weather, Screaming Females

Venue:  LC Pavilion (Indoor)

The Dead Weather do not tour often, despite the fact that they have come out with a number of albums over the years.  I've read that Jack White and Alison Mosshart and the rest of the band are busy people who don't always make time to tour.

In 2009, they were new and only had one awesome album out, which my girlfriend and I listened to repeatedly that spring and summer.

This was actually the first concert that I attended with my girlfriend at the time.  It was a great show.  Jack White is a beast behind the drums.  Alison is a great front woman.

I love catching a headlining band when they only have one record, because you will undoubetedly hear pretty much every song that they have.  The completionist is me walks away from those shows feeling like I didn't miss anything.

As an artist releases more and more music, you end up getting a setlist that's more and more watered down.  Five albums in, you hear five songs off the new record, a few off the ones inbetween the new one and the popular one, and a bunch of songs off the popular one.  You end up never hearing half of the new album, and many forgotten songs off the previously released albums.  One of the reasons I love Pearl Jam so much is that they aren't afraid to play a lot of different songs.

October 12, 2013 – Pittsburgh, PA – Pearl Jam

Venue:  Consol Energy Center

My 10th Pearl Jam show and one of my favorites.

I had general admission tickets on the floor, which is my preferred way of seeing almost anything.  This was the first night of Pearl Jam's 'Lightning Bolt' tour, and I was lucky enough to be among the first people to hear quite a few songs for the very first time live.

The extremely rare track on this night was 'Speed of Sound, which they have only played 7 times total.  They also played a few tracks off of 'Lightning Bolt' that they haven't played very many times since then.

While the show was awesome, I will always remember this show as the first that I was unable to get the show specific poster for.  I waited in line outside the venue for almost two hours and they "ran out" of posters when I was three people from the front of the line.  They actually just took the posters inside without warning anyone in the line.

I decided that I didn't want to hold a poster tube during the show, so I wasn't in a hurry to grab one in the venue.  By the time I got around to going to am merch booth at the show, the posters were sold out.  This particular poster ended up being the most sought after poster of the tour, and has gone for $300+ on ebay.

I still want it, but I don't need it.  It has been an excersise in letting go.